A friend of mine and I were talking at work one day and she mentioned that her husband hadn't given her a check for his rent yet. "Come again? You charge your husband of more than a year rent?" As the conversation played out, it seems that they have separate accounts for each of them and then one small shared account. She pays the bills that are in her name (the house, her car, utilities, etc) and he pays the bills in his name with his money. He didn't even have access to her account, unless she gave him her ATM card to go get money or something at the store.

This situation concerns me and I told her as much. If you are married, why does it matter who's money it comes from. When you got married, you agreed to be joined together as one and share all of each other. Not to mention, at the end of the day there are still the bills that need paid. As a married couple, you have a set amount of bills between the two of you. And then you have a set amount of income between the two of you. Hopefully you knew this person well before you got married, so you know what kind of financial burdens they bring with them. In my mind, you assume joint responsibility for these debts.

Why keep the bills and the income separate? Are you subconsciously afraid that the marriage is not going to work out and so you don't want to benefit your future ex? To me, you are setting yourself up to fail. You have reduced the complexity of splitting up and ending the marriage. And so you have admitted that you might not try as hard as you could have to save the marriage and work through problems.

In the future, combine your bills and your income. Work towards sustaining the marriage and admit that you are in it for the long run. Don't charge your husband rent and make him write you a check each month. If it's a problem with your spouse spending to much of the joint money on "fun", set rules as to how much each is allowed to spend without the OK of the other. Consciously agree to work together for the future of both of you. Know that you have to work at the marriage, give yourself incentives to work through the problems that life will through at you.

Learn more about this author, Scott Scott.
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