It's always hard to find the right words to say to someone who has lost someone close but when it's a child it's twice as difficult. I myself lost a son almost five years ago and could see from the faces of people around me that they struggled with what to say.

Personally i found a hug meant more than any words ever could. Somehow hearing "I'm sorry for your troubles" or "it wasn't meant to be this time" was more upsetting rather than comforting even though their said with the best of intentions.

The first tip i would give is offer a shoulder to cry on to both parents. Sometimes people forget that a husband/partner has lost the child too & need someone to lean on.

Secondly find out what you can do to help.Is there other children in the family whom you could look after? Is there anyone the parents need you to ring? Is there anything for you to help organize?

Thirdly just be there! Parents need to talk. Don't try and change the subject each time the child is mentioned.Talking helps the parents to come to terms with their loss and knowing there's people there to share it with helps more than you'd imagine.
Talk as much as possible about the child with the parents. Let them know that because the child is gone does not mean he or she will be forgotten but will live on in the heart's and mind's of everyone around them.

Do something special to remember the child, perhaps name a star after him or her or collect a newspaper and other items from their birth/birthday and make a memory box for them.

Offering a shoulder to lean on means everything to parents who have lost a child it's the best support you can give.

Learn more about this author, Mary Catherine.
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