I had a female friend ask me one time, "Why do I always meet jerks?"

My reply, "Because they are the first ones to approach you. The nice guys are in the corner to shy to ask you out."

Say what you want about the jerks looking for the one night stand, they get the girl. They have the short term goal of a one night fling and the confidence in knowing that if the pretty girl rejects them, there are more to choose from. Also, if they don't get any action that night they are probably to sick with alcohol poisoning the next morning to care.

But what advice is there for the nice guy/gal looking for a relationship? Treat "relationship" as a long term goal nestled in the back of your mind. The short term goal, the one that leads to the long term goal, should be to go out to meet new people and have a fun time.

No one meets someone at a bar and says, "I want to be in a relationship with you."

Usually its a phone number exchange or friendly chatter to see if you are compatible with one another. If you go into a social situation looking for a relationship then chances are you will heighten your anxiety by putting more pressure on yourself then is necessary. You don't necessarily have to find "the one" tonight, but you should try to meet someone.

Unfortunately most nice guys/gals are shy. I recommend attending a speed dating event in their near by area. It is great for introverts and shy people alike because you are not faced with a room full of people, which can be very intimidating, but instead you have one on one time (though very limited) and meet an assortment of different people.

Also, there are an assortment of different dating sites to look at. I would recommend picking a site that matches you to other people based on personalities rather then a site that shows you just profiles. Pictures can be misleading and people don't always know how to articulate themselves in fifty words or less.

Nice guys/gals don't have to compete with jerks, they just have to pick comfortable environments and utilize their strengths to win a potential mate over. Don't worry about the future, focus on having a good time and just enjoy having fun.

Learn more about this author, John Evans.
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