Unchained Honeymoon

Dontcha just love it? Omigod! When I first spotted this little gem on Billy Bob's used car lot out on Hillybilly Road over in Boonesboro, well, I just fell in love with it! Boonesboro, by the way, is a sleepy, little town bout twenty miles north o' Earlsville, where I been livin' for the past thirty years or so.

In case y'all is wonderin' what the heck I was doin' in Boonesboro, welllemme tell ya a little story bout my boyfriend. Ya see, I got stuck out on an ol' country dirt road, cuz stinkin' ol' Jimmy John and I had a big ol fight. I don't even remember what we was arguin' bout, but it sure got ugly after a while.

Anyways, after I near punched his lights out, he tossed me outta his danged ol' pickup! Yeah, man! He tossed me out, flicked me off, and then he took off like a bat outta hell! Can you believe that?

I thought sure he'd come back for me, but he just kep' on goin', an' goin' an' goin' till all I could see was dust blowin' down the road. I hada' thum' it over to the next town, which happened to be Boonesboro, after I waited nearly an hour for someone to come by. Lemme tell ya! Sittin' on the back of a chicken haulin' truck ain't no fun at all!

Anyway, once we got to Boonesboro, I hopped off that smelly ol' truck and I headed into town to look for a phone to call my daddy. That's when I seen it. There she was, just a sittin' proud and purty right smack dab in the middle o' the car lot.
Unchained Lover!

Ya see that sign on the front o' the danged car? I just knew I had ta have it, so I rushed on over there fast as I could. Jimmy John didn't know it, but I had just got paid from my waitress job over at Gillem's Saloon, so I had a big ol' wad o'money in my pocketbook. Sides that, I don't like banks much. All they do is take your money stead o' givin' it to ya, so I keep all my money in my pocketbook. God help the fool who ever tries to steal my bag!

It didn't take me more an about ten minutes to make the deal. I sweet talked that ol' Billy Bob into sellin' it to me for a hundred bucks. It was funny, though, but I kinda got the impression that he'd been tryin' to sell that car for quite some time, cuz he was a'smilin' even bigger an me when I handed him over the dough.

Anyway, I just love my new car. It runs like a dream...most o' the time. As for Jimmy John? I dumped him good! When he saw me drivin' through town in that bejeweled, little chariot, he asked me to take him for a ride.

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