I chose to live with an alcoholic. I've learned to cope with this stranger who calls himself my husband and the father of my only child. He is a good man with an addiction although he doesn't quite see it that way. He is a high functioning alcoholic so he never misses work, drives impaired or leaves us broke because of his habit.

An alcoholic spouse is like the proverbial white elephant in the living room. No one wants to talk about it but it is there just the same. Dad sleeps a lot. My husband won't be joining us at a family function because...well, just because. Everyone knows why and I'm sure they talk about it, or him, when I'm not there, but no one wants to admit the obvious: he's passed out again. I've learned not to make any plans that involve him. I go to all family functions alone. Most of my friends have never met my husband of 20 years. I also live in a separate part of the house because I can't stand the smell of alcohol and sleeping with someone who is drunk every night becomes old real fast.

All of my daughter's memories involve me. Her father is passed out by noon on a Saturday so my daughter and I have done everything together. We've gone everywhere, explored, learned about the world, all of the positive, beautiful things that life has to offer because the world doesn't begin and end with one alcoholic. Not in our household. My daughter didn't choose to have an alcoholic for a father and she shouldn't have to learn to cope with that, although children do learn to cope and my heart breaks to think of the life long effects that my staying with an alcoholic will do to my child. I did have a choice somewhere along the way and for better or for worse I chose to stay. I hope that one day my daughter will understand why.

People ask why I stay. The reasons are complicated yet simple. When you love someone you stay. That is the simple reason. As I said, there are more complicated reasons. Everyone has more than one side to him or her, even an alcoholic. I don't live for the day that he will change. I live for the day that I will change.

Learn more about this author, Leah Curtis.
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