I stepped outside into the cool night air. The campus was dark and silent, and I felt a gentle stir in my soul; a prompting to simply walk and listen as the Lord would speak. I began to praise God in my heart as I walked back and forth leisurely on the sidewalk, recalling all that He had done for me; where He had brought me; where He had placed me. Tears began to pour down my face as my casual strolling became an intense pacing, and the words in my heart flowed seamlessly from my lips. I walked before the Lord and declared my unworthiness to be where I was, doing what I was doing. I was unworthy to be working for Him, to be serving Him. Working for this Man that had pulled me from a life of shame, a life of failure, a life of defeat and regret. As I traveled the sidewalk back and forth, weeping, such heaviness descended upon me. It was a pressing weight, with fervency and an urging, and I could not only hear the things that God was speaking to me, but I felt them strongly, like a fiery branding upon the heart. I felt God's touch on my life. I felt the unmistakable finger pressing hard upon my heart;

"I've chosen you.

I've picked you out.

I set you apart.

I called you."

The weight was so immense and there was no other inclination in me, but to accept it; to bear it completely; to yield to it and surrender. So many times before it has not been that way. I have heard the call. I have heard His voice speaking to me,

"Becky, I have called you"

But I've walked away from it, shaking my head.

"It's ridiculous that God would call me."

God has grabbed hold of me and held me down in the midst of it, but I have kicked and screamed.

"I want nothing to do with it!"

Others have stood before me, declaring their recognition of it on my life, and I have turned my eyes.

"It's silly to believe He would desire me."

I have chosen to run an impressive number of times, and it has always followed me; always hounded me. But tonight tonight I didn't just hear it, or see it, or have it pointed out to me. Tonight I felt it. I felt the weight of a calling resting itself upon me and all that I could do was accept and sob at my unworthiness. Tonight, the tasks that I perform for Him presently, that seem so enormous, became miniscule as God spoke so firmly to my heart.

"Give them everything you've got and get ready more is coming."

I hear it over and over, and I feel it press harder and harder

"More is coming, more is coming, more

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