by Robin Canada

Created on: September 28, 2007

"No!" I screamed when the doctor broke the news. I'm pregnant again? "Look, I have a 3 month old right there; I've been on birth control and breastfeeding! How can this be possible?"

Here I was submerged in grief at the mere concept that I would have two kids with this man I detested, who I had been forced to marry, and wanted away from. Now I feared he would have ultimate control over me. I was only 19 at the time. This pregnancy was going to last forever.

The months ticked by, ever so slowly as I became more and more in love with this little creature growing inside me. The frantic kicking made me think of a little claustrophobic being who desperately wanted out of there. The ultrasound said I was having a boy. Well at least one thing good was coming of this; I already had a beautiful little girl. The nagging question though was how I was going to protect two children from this horrible man I called my husband.

That night, he didn't even care. Labor started ferociously with my water breaking like Niagara Falls on our bed in the middle of the night. Three hours later, after screaming at a doctor who clearly did not have one ounce of bedside manners, I heard those sweet words: "It's a girl!" You cannot imagine the surprise! Now that I had absolutely no confidence in doctors whatsoever, how could it get worse? I'll tell you. The pain didn't stop. The contractions increased and I felt the overwhelming urge to push again. Completely ignoring the doctor, who said this is normal, I pushed and then the doctor said it. "I've never seen this before, what do we do." He was asking his nurse what to do! They passed a large sac with something in it to a basin that she quickly took away and never let me see. Six weeks later I found out that was my little boy. Still born and quite deformed, he had died and that is what had caused me to go into labor when I did.

Never had I been told I had twins but let me tell you, I cannot imagine life without that little girl. Immediately, she had been blue at birth. I was dying to see her, no one was listening. She started life in a very rough position. Born to an abusive father and a young nave mother, sick from some abnormalities, she proved she was a survivor. Still with a few issues to this day, she, her sister, and me have a new life, free from the torture we endured way back then. It's amazing.

It's amazing the love that a baby can bring into your life. It's amazing the power that this little being has over her mother after kicking and thrashing in the womb for so long. It's amazing that after all the pain, we could not live without our babies, and they will always be our babies.

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