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They say that carrying a resentment is like taking the poison yourself and waiting for the OTHER person to die.

Living with an alcoholic spouse, or a partner/spouse addicted to any substance or behavior, is one of the most debilitating, demoralizing and painful life experiences we humans can endure.

Resentment, mentioned above, is but one of the many feelings we go through in our day-to-day living with a person crippled by the disease of addiction. Fear, loneliness, shame, helplessness, hopelessness and sadness are but a few of the emotions we experience in our attempt to cope with this painful life situation.

I have experienced this personally from just about every angle imaginable:

I am the child of two alcoholics my father's alcoholism active as a child - my mothers active today
I've been the alcoholic spouse
I've married a sober alcoholic
I've partnered with an active alcoholic/addict (in denial of his disease)
I've partnered with one who was completely unaware of his disease and hit bottom, quite shockingly to him, in front of my very eyes

So, it is from my own experience, strength and hope that I share my words on this topic. I have walked through my own alcoholism and that of many others. And in doing so, I have learned, oh, a few things along the way . I share them here with the hope that my words might find their way to one in need of them one who is less familiar with the disease than I one who needs guidance, education, empathy, and maybe most importantly, to know that you are NOT alone.

- ALCOHOLISM IS A FAMILY DISEASE

This means that we are all affected by the substance abuse of a loved one. Not only are we affected; we play our OWN part in the continuation and manifestation of the disease. Our marriage, our family, is like a mobile. Each of us has our own little piece of the delicately balanced structure. Every action on any of our parts shakes the mobile. Tenuous balance quickly becomes imbalanced, shaken up, disrupted. Our role as spouses, children, friends on this mobile is just as powerful as that of the alcoholic's. I believe this awareness is the first key in coping understanding that we play an equal part in the drama of living with an alcoholic. We are either part of the problem, or part of the solution with every word we speak, every secret we keep, every action we take, every action we avoid taking.

- THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE

I am often amazed at how many people I meet who have suffered for years with the pain of living with an alcoholic and know

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