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MY TORMENT: Never in my life did I imagine I could feel enough anger and aggression in my heart that I would actually imagine myself killing someone. But today, with pain in my heart, anger in my soul, and indescribable hurt tearing away at my life, I write this story. I am a meager, peace-loving, animal loving, tender-hearted person who would not harm a fly. So what is it that brings me to this place in my life? Where does an ordinary, every day person who loves God, their country, their fellow man, their family and their freedom conjure up such feelings? What brings me to this place in my life where I sometimes feel perfectly able to so something physically atrocious and hostile; and then other times, I feel weak, depressed, sensible but helpless, sympathetic, yet worthless!

FRAILITY OF LOVE: My father and mother are the two most wonderful people in the world: Decent, loving, supportive, honest, drug and cigarette free, God loving Christians. They are not hard parents, but they have taught us right from wrong, and they have always made sure there was just as much discipline in our home as their was love and support. They never taught us to lie, cheat, steal, use people, do illicit drugs, take others for granted, and so forth. They taught us to be our own person, to take care of ourselves, to be a man/woman, and not to hurt others intentionally. My parents, being the center of my Universe, are everything to me. I walk on egg shells with them to make sure I treat them well, they are both in their mid 70s. Is this not how we are supposed to treat our elderly parents? With great love and respect? Should we not be treading lightly on them in their old age? Should we not be doing for them, as opposed to them doing everything for us - in our 40s?

WORK ETHICS: When my father was working all the time he never seemed to have time to do the things around his house that he knew needed to be done. He always seemed to have to 'beg' and keep on calling my older brother, Jim, to help him with odd jobs around his house. When he would finally give up and hire the help he needed, my brother would have the nerve to say "Why did you call them, I would have came over here and done that for free!" The problem is, nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, my father ever does for him is free, and it never has been. Since he was a teenager, he has been in and out of jail, and he has always done drugs. He has always been a thief and a liar! Sadly, I feel as though nothing good is coming from him!

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