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SCENARIO: Dealing high-limit poker in a large California club.

I am standing behind a game with a 10-pound metal rack filled with poker chips. I just tapped the dealer sitting in the game on the shoulder to to make him aware I am there to relieve him on the next hand.

I am in uniform, ready to sit down and deal to very serious players. Aside from my white shirt and black skirt, I am wearing 3 " black, spiked patent leather heels. Unique to these shoes is a brass lizard attached to the back of the shoes from the heel to the tip of the stiletto. The lizard's head is up and it's tail gracefully winds down the spike to the floor - that is until I felt an itch on my shin:

As we all have done, I lift my foot to rub my shin when suddenly, the brass tail of the lizard not only punctures my stocking but gets stuck in my hose and remains there. I cannot get my shoe unhooked from my other leg!

Since no one on the table is aware of this or has seen anything, they look up at me in wonder as I begin hopping around like a stork on one leg (still holding the rack of chips).

Wobbling and struggling to stay upright, I make a desperate attempt to untangle myself resulting in loss of balance thus, striking the seated dealer in the head with my chip rack. My encore was falling on the player seated next to him. During this struggle, the lizard lets go ripping a six inch hole in my stocking.

As I delicately sat down, shuffled the deck and dealt, I was amazed and thankful that their tipping was unusually generous. It seemed the players had a sympathetic heart towards my humiliation until, as I got up to leave, one of them said, "Take that tip money and buy some new shoes. Keep the spiked heels but leave your pets at home!"

Learn more about this author, Linda Barnett.
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