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"Lucid Dream"

Just inches from crazy...
My mind, I feel insane.
I dream of things I should not fathom
Incidental nightmares filled with pain.
Through the haze of days gone past
I swim with no reprieve.
Each day a little shorter on breath
Each moment less belief.
I'm barely surviving myself here
My brain strained from doubt
Not sure which crazy voice to hear
Or which one will lead me out...

I imagine things I should not think
These thoughts fall square on you
Fears run through my insecurities
And I'm on the floor cut in two.
The past though gone now haunts me
It's shaking me to the core
Makes me wonder what I'm made of
And why I still keep score
I'm standing in front of you waiting
For you to make that dreaded move
I see you lying down with her
As your fingers run every groove.
I see your hand on her face
And the numbness has returned
Can't feel the pain you want me to
Once dead you can't be burned.
I just wish I could stop looking
Just close my eyes for a while
Let things past wash over me
And wake up for once with a smile
These shackles cannot be broken
I'm bound to what I could not be
Waiting to be alone again
So I can swim back to misery
I'm not trying to punish you
The crazy one here is me
Desensetized to hurt and guilt
There's nothing left you see.
Now you know why I cringe
And why I shy away
I'm trying to dodge another blow
To hold on one more day
I'm trying to have faith
In you and one more try
I'm dying to have the chance
To live outside this lie.
So as I sleep tonight
I'll dream another dream
But maybe it will wake me slow
And maybe I won't scream.

Learn more about this author, Lily Lynn Davis.
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