I was twenty-four years old. My daughter was a month short of her first birthday. I had prior experience paying my own bills by myself. I was in my second marriage. I was finally grown and nothing could touch me and the illusion I had created.

My grandfather was in the hospital. He'd been sick for sometime. We all continued with our normal routines. Whether to block out reality or simply deny it is hard to know.

I came home from work one night and my husband met me at the door. Then he caught me. My knees turned to rubber and I began to slide to the floor.

He had been the one to deliver the news that my beloved granddaddy had just died.

I couldn't think, I couldn't function, in that instant my mind refused to work. I had adored my grandfather all of my life. The fact that he was elderly made no difference; to me he was still like superman. Nothing should have touched him.

Alzheimer's disease finally did. The uphill battle finally ended in defeat and he stopped breathing.

A man from the old school he had firmly believed that whatever you do you live with. I was practically raised by this simple man. His beliefs had become mine.

As a child when I was sad he was the only one that could comfort me. As I grew older his views I no longer understood. Then when I had a child of my own it became crystal clear.

You work whether you like what you do or not. The things you want you do without to get your child what they need. You are no longer first. You are merely a worker, put here to take care of the next generation and pass this earth on to them.

While at eighty plus his death should not have been a shock to me it was. It was a complete and utter shock. Never mind that he was in the hospital at the time. I was no were near prepared to say goodbye to this wonderful man.

I was so unprepared in fact that I ran out of the funeral home on the night of the viewing. I could not control it, nor could I help it. I didn't want to say goodbye. Saying goodbye was not something I was ready to do yet.

I cried for days and thought back over all the time I had spent with this wonderful man.

I remember he was the one that taught me how to tell time and to tie my shoe laces. He never yelled or got upset when I didn't understand something; he was just there for me.

Now I hold every man up to the standard he set. I finally realized no one will ever measure up to him.

Learn more about this author, L. Beall.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Reflections: Loss of a grandparent?
We want to hear your view. Write now!