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I have experienced different kinds of spiritual awakenings in my lifetime. Some did wake me or nudge me, not completely opening my eyes to my spirituality or thoughts. At times, I have searched for that awakening, to completely open my heart and my mind to my spiritual needs. Only to just be stirred "just-enough-but-not-quite-eno ugh to matter" until one day my eyes were blown wide awake and it was more than just a "thought" more than just a "nudge" or God knocking on the other-side-of-that "door!"

Let me explain..... making a long story short.....

A few years ago, my oldest son almost died. And the journey back to "himself", the hard work, the uncertainty of what his life and death experience did to him and to me and his family. Left me wondering why does God allow such a thing to happen to "good people"? It made me lose my sight of my spiritual beliefs in God and everything that I knew God to be and how I knew Him when I was strong in that belief. And all this was lost when I was trying to come to terms with my son almost losing his life. (Mistaken identity and he was severely beaten to near death and had to learn everything all over again and at first he did not know me or himself or those loved ones around him. I had to remind him that I was his mother and that he was who he was.)

I was lost in my own grief, of losing the son that I had raised for so long and then the journey to know the knew son again. He wasn't the same and to watch him try to become "himself" again and to have to learn to do all things over again, really hurt me to see him go through that. I was pissed at God... I was angry and really really questioning His ability on letting all this happen for what reason? What was His reasonings and why? I was to the point of a spiritual death...not by reality means, I might add, but to even question GOD and to still breath in life? So...so confusing...

My spiritual awakening happened about a month or so ago. My partner and I were watching a movie called " The Passion of the Christ". Now~ I won't get into that movie so much or get preachy here, that is not my intention. But what happened to me that night is incredible and my spiritual awakening.....

Made me realize that Mary saw her son go through all that pain and the scene where she is remembering Jesus falling down as a child, as she runs to pick him up and hug him..(I saw the same thing, remembered my son when he was a child, as I watched him lay in I.C.U. clinging to life) and then to see her Son carrying His cross to be put to death.... and all that she saw him go through, she knowing the reasons why... who was I to question or be angry with God for what he allowed to happen to my son? That if Mary can get through it and not lose her faith then so could I. Beyond any measure or trials or tests in my life or my children's lives, I must stand strong in my faith and walk right (as well as I can) and not lose that hope or faith that was put here for us and that we need to stay strong in our travels and to never stop believing in those things that keep us who we are and who God allows us to be.

My son is here with me right now, visiting for a few days. He has a job and his own apartment and is doing well in life. He has his struggles and trials that he must conquer in his own life. But as long as we both cling to our Father in Heaven... Our strong spirit will stay awakened and I hope to never fall short of what was done for me.

Strive to keep my spirit alive and well and to stay awake and to never lose hope or faith again and to just keep the fire in my life burning and the rest will fall into place.....

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