There is nothing more painful and more devastating in the lives of parents than to lose a child...it's not fair, it's not supposed to happen, and it leaves a scar on their hearts for as long as they live. In addition, there is really no clear cut way that a person can "help" someone who has lost a child, as each person's grieving process is unique.

My aunt lost a child when she was very young to "Sudden Infant Death Syndrome", and facing this chapter in her life was something that took both courage and resolve. Giving up is the obvious answer...simply locking yourself away in a dark room to sleep away the pain, or falling into a downward spiral of drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. My aunt did both of these things, and it took many years and an incredible amount of family support to "bring her back". The following are the best and most basic ways that a person can offer their support in the face of such a tragedy:

First, you must simply be there... It sounds simple, but in most cases, it is anything but. "Being there" for someone in such a time of need much come from the most selfless place in your being, as you will find yourself wanting to offer advice, to fill the person's world with "happy thoughts" and "bright sides" when in most cases the best thing to do is simply to sit next to them, hold their hand, and speak only when spoken to. You should also take your cues from the personality of the person who is grieving...some people like to cry, to show their emotions and feel the emotions of others, and other people get angry when they feel that those around them are giving pity, which only causes them more heartache. Know the person you are consoling and do what is best for them.

Second, you must offer household support. This is a basic necessity for someone who is in the process of grieving, as the last thing that they are going to want to do is go grocery shopping, pick up the dry-cleaning, tidy up the house, do laundry, etc., so any assistance that you can give in this area will be greatly appreciated even if the person is unable to actually give verbal thanks.

Third, you must keep a close watch on the person's demeanor and mental state. Coping is not always something that we are all good at, and some people find that "giving up" is the easiest way to deal with such a situation. While it is not your place to offer anything more than what the grieving person is willing to take, it is your duty to watch for the warning signs of things as serious as suicide, alcohol or drug abuse, or other destructive behavior. If you do witness such things, you must share this knowledge with the person's loved ones and seek help if you feel they are a danger to themselves.

Finally, you must be willing to give time. This means that you should be there are much as possible, while not overstepping the comfort zone of the grieving person, and you must be willing to not make any demands on the person to "heal" more quickly than they are capable. These things take time, and each person's "clock" is different. Be kind, gentle and willing to help, and as time goes by, you will find that grief is replaced with a melancholy state, which is replaced with a sad memory...

Learn more about this author, Sarah Williams.
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