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IS IT JUST ME?

How do I begin to explain to you how I feel about all this?

I no longer love you.
That flame died years ago.
The ashes were carried away on the gentle breezes of time.
I can barely remember what made me fall in love with you.

I no longer hate you.
I wasted years fanning that flame out of dying embers
Because I couldn't let go of something I couldn't reason away.

Somehow I decided to let go of the answers,
And I found the greatest enlightenment my soul has ever known.

In finally letting you go, I freed myself.
I learned to dispel the notion
That we were inextricably linked because of our past.
For so many years, I chained myself to you out of fear.
I let the bitterness and anger eat at me needlessly.
Now that I've finally sprouted the wings to fly,
You have me tethered to the ground with your chains of control.

In these moments of reflection, I wonder if divorce ever ends anything.
I no longer have to deal with you every day,
But there are no spontaneous moments of joy in our interaction.
It's all tainted with the poison of a soured love
And perceived wrongs we've never aired to one another.
It can never be made right because I no longer care and you NEVER did.

In these musings, I have cause to wonder if it's just me.
Is it just me?
Am I imagining deceit and manipulation in your actions where there are none?
Am I reading more into your words than you could possibly ever mean?
Do I see your actions as selfish because my opinion is tainted by our past?
Do I question your intentions because of who you used to be or who you still are? Do I imagine the veiled hostility in your voice or is it really there?
Is it just me determined to believe the worst about you and not see the best?

Is it just me?

Learn more about this author, Sonia Ordoyne.
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