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News From A More Just Parallel Past - Jews To Remain In Germany After Besting Nazi Bowling Team - The Nazi authority in Germany has sportingly abandoned their initiative to expunge all ethnic Jews from the country after losing a bowling match to their Semetic rivals Tuesday.

The contest, which pitted a team comprised of prominent German Jews against a squad of high ranking Nazi officials, was an intensely competitive affair that saw the final fate of millions remain in the balance until the final frame when the Rabbi Rollers consummated an extraordinary comeback to claim victory over the Aryan Strike Force squad by a final score of 152-146, effectively staving off the systematic expulsion of their ethnic brethren to Madagascar or some other desolate region of the African continent.

Things looked grim for the Jewish side early after Strike Force team members Heinrich 'The Hammer' Himmler and Klaus 'Boomer' Barbie hit consecutive strikes to push their advantage to 56-28 after four frames, but the two Strike Force stars combined for only one strike and a spare in the game's subsequent frames while captain Adolf 'The Fuhrer' Hitler hit just one spare in what he deemed 'the worst game of my life', and Joseph Goebells, who replaced injured Julius 'The Strike' Streicher, handicapped his team's cause by throwing seven gutterballs on his way to contributing a meager nine points.

"I admit I played poorly, and I hate excuse makers, but Jules (Streicher) has a 200 average, and Goebbels bowls like a girl - I mean the guy chicken arms everything he rolls," rationalized 'Meine Kleine Storung' (My Minor Annoyance) author and head German excuse maker Hitler, "The scoreboard tells the story. It is what it is, but it's not fair."

Though far from being ready to concede his opinion that the continued cohabitation of 'genetically inferior' Jews within Aryan society is hindering the latter's rise to its rightful preeminent status around the globe from the result of one bowling match, Hitler has pledged that he will live up to his word by not shipping 'all the Jews to Timbuktu'.

"Even though anyone with a brain knows it's all complete balderdash since the lanes at Uber Alleys are too dry and we had to bowl with Goebbels, a bet's a bet. The filthy kikes won, and I'm no welcher, so if they want to stay, fine."

Added a grumpy Hitler as he jammed his lucky swastika adorned ball into his tote bag: "Yeah, just great."

But what of the state sponsored persecution of Germanic Jews that has become increasingly common since Hitler took office? Will the petulant leader call off the dogs?

"Yes, yes, fine. Come to think of it, I'll even proclaim November 9th Jew Day. We'll have a big parade down Unter den Linden and everything. I can already smell the latkes and gefilte fish. Just swell," Hitler chuffed before waving off any further questions and stomping off.

Commented Hymie Shmekelstein, who's spare in the tenth frame sealed the victory for the Rollers: "Today is a day of vindication and jubilation for the Jewish people, one that I hope will serve as a threshold from which both Jew and Gentile may journey as partners in friendship into a better tomorrow."

Learn more about this author, Aleister Pinkbelly.
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