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My worst ever vacation was with the in-laws. At the end of a fortnight with them on the beach in Spain, I told my wife they were 'outlaws' rather than 'in-laws' when it came to future holidays. I put my foot down and said, "That's the last time we go anywhere with them!" If you had asked me then for my top tip for vacationing with the in-laws, it would have simply been, "DON'T!"

But things have changed and we now enjoy an annual holiday with them, and even manage to laugh about our first, stressful experience. My wife and I went to Spain expecting to relax and soak in the sun, sand and sangria. The in-laws felt they had to entertain us and worked out a full timetable of activities, dragging us up a mountain; forcing us to traipse round a museum; booking us onto a coach trip to go shopping. They honestly believed we were enjoying every minute of it, but, for me, it was a disaster.

So what changed? Well, here are some tips that I hope will make your vacation with your spouse's parents a fun time:

*Chat well in advance of booking your trip about what you want from the break, where you want to go and when. Both parties need to lay down ground rules and respect what the others are looking for. You will find common ground if you work hard enough at it.

*Tell your in-laws before you go that you want your own space. Of course you will do some things together, but you don't want them to work out a rigid timetable which you are all expected to stick to. If you tell them before you leave, it will avoid upsetting them once on vacation.

*Pay your own way. If the in-laws want to treat you to a free vacation, be very careful. You will feel obligated to follow their wishes throughout the vacation. If they are insistent on paying, maybe suggest they pay for their grandchildren and not you.

*Although you don't want a set timetable every day, you will do things together, such as eating, shopping and so on. If you arrange to meet up for a meal, make sure you arrive on time and in a good mood.

*Don't be afraid to put your cards on the table if something goes wrong. If they do something that annoys you, tell them gently. If you don't say anything, things will get worse because the in-laws will be unaware they are upsetting you. It is better to thrash things out as soon as possible and move on.

*Be open-minded and positive. Don't rule things out just because the in-laws suggest doing them. Remember, they have more experience than you and you may discover interesting new experiences through them.

*Join in fun activities with them. Things that I have enjoyed with the in-laws include volleyball, a treasure hunt and even karaoke! They are not things my in-laws or I would normally do, but they were great fun on holiday and helped relieve the tension.

*We also 'break up' the in-laws. For example, while my wife takes her mum shopping for clothes, I take her father for a drink. It is good bonding time.

Learn more about this author, Phil Hill.
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