My own experience with losing a child makes this a subject very close to my heart. I have lost a lot of people in my time, but none of them compares to when we lost Jason.

People don't really know what to say to you or what to do for you. They don't understand that the best thing they can do for you is to listen and the best thing to say is I am here for you, I can listen.

When you are faced with trying to help someone through this,the worst time in their life, you will feel a bit helpless. Here are a few tips that will help them get through it.

1. Always remember that losing a child is the worst pain that any parent can face, don't compare it to when you lost a friend or when you lost a parent. Because even though those things are significant and they hurt you terribly, losing a child seems to us so unnatural in the order of things, that hearing a comparison just hurts worse.

2. Hug them when they want hugged, back away when they need to be alone. Both things are necessary and you really have to know the person and when they need each thing. Body actions should be a tell all with this.

3. It's okay to remember the person that passed away and to laugh about the funny times. Tell a funny story about the person who passed or have a memory session with the person you are trying to help.

4. There is a lot of anger that a parent can feel when their child died. Don't take anything they say personally. Chances are that most of the things that happen in the first couple of weeks will be hazy at best to them. Let it roll off your back and remember that they are hurting so badly that they are at a loss of how to get rid of the pain.

5. Be there after all the hub-bub has settled down. That's when they will need people the most. I remember before Jason's funeral everything was so crazy, there were people everywhere. We had a house phone and two cell phones in constant use, one of us was always on two phones while the other was on the third phone. The day after the funeral, it came to a dead stop. It was too quiet. People stopped calling to check and see if we were okay, no door bells ringing, nothing. So make a point to call after the funeral also.

6. Let them grieve at their own pace and in their own way. Everyone is different in how they handle it, so let them be. Don't tell them they haven't cried enough and don't tell them they have cried too much. And above all, don't expect that they will get past this in a week, a month, or even a year. It's been seven years since Jason passed and I still have days that I get very depressed and sad about it and I still cry.

Those are the best tips I have for you. There are no clear cut answers for this. You have to go with your heart. Don't be judgmental of the person and try to figure out what they are thinking. I can recognize a parent who has lost a child by looking in someones eyes. Stand by them no matter what!

Learn more about this author, Dawn Hawkins.
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