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It is perfectly understandable if you answer this one "no". We understand, you were raised to believe that marriage is a sacred institution, not to be entered into lightly and that it will take work by both husband and wife to make it last. Fair enough.

What you do not understand is what will change your mind.

First of all, there's the compatibility issue. Generally we tend to our courting phase by putting our best foot forward. In fact, we will, whether we admit to it or not, lie about ourselves in little ways: Guys smell great when they take you out on a date, but do they smell like that when they come home from work? How disappointed will you be the first time your wife takes off the make up, or wakes up from a bad night's sleep? Getting the picture now?

Let's face it, folks. Who we are when we are in the market for a mate and who we are after we get one are seldom the same people. This is where it begins to put the proverbial bind on the marriage; in many cases, it is also the final undoing of the vows. Everyone feels lousy; there's never a "Good" divorce. . . You'll just have to trust me on that one.

"You've changed. . ." is a common thread of concern from one spouse to another. "You are not the person I married."

No kidding. We seldom are. More the point for finding all of this out before you go to all the trouble and expense of a wedding, a mortgage and in far too many cases, kids to be divided up later. Why would anyone in their right mind think it okay to just go in hoping that it will all work out? Is he or she good looking enough to take that chance? Are you marrying just for a trophy? Did you feel like it was a really swell time to test your faith? When you and your family and your kids are all miserable enough about the whole sorry mess will it still be the right thing to not live together, just to make sure it will work, first?

We no longer live on the frontier. We, as a society, have evolved a great deal; in fact society itself has changed and other than some backward thinking by religious leaders (who really have no choice but to recommend what their particular teachings have set forth) we no longer look at living together as a stigma that will forever stain your ever lasting soul. Now, we think of it in terms of common sense.

If you want to live your lives together, try a few months on for size. See what your significant other smells, or looks like in the morning. Find out if they scare you when they drive, or if they drink too much, or (God forbid) they have violent tendencies.

Marriage is a sacred pact and should NOT be entered into lightly. So true. . . So make damn sure by living together before you create an unnatural disaster.

Learn more about this author, S Bond Herndon.
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