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There were a plethora of negative thoughts that had influenced my life for many, many years that shaped and defined who I was, and ultimately led to hold me back from fulfilling my full potential. We think that we are strong willed, defiant, and ahead of the curve, but too often we allow what is said to us, or what was done to us, negative experiences that we had hold us back from having any real autonomy, as we fail to come into the full realization of what our purpose is. These days I enjoy being of help to people and being the instrument through which someone can better themselves through, but it wasn't always like that; growing up I just wanted to be accepted and loved just like everyone else, thought little of anything other than my own needs, and, through a series of different events, became less about me and more about others.

Of course in an ideal world your first encounters with others lead to successful experiences in which you get along with everyone and do not have any real problems, but that is rarely the case. I grew up in what I thought to be a rather insulated, narcissistic type of environment only to age gracefully and find myself seeking in others what I had missed for so long. I put myself on the line, sometimes naively, at other times misunderstanding the true needs of others, for what I thought was the good of the friendship, relationship, or whatever the situation called for. I have found a happy medium where I can truly be myself and celebrate life the way it was intended to be experienced, or perhaps I am just comfortable in my own skin and am unapologetic about who I am. Gone are the days of feeling the rejection, the pain, the hurt of not fitting into the environment.

Yet it wasn't always this way, there are but a few things which got me to the peace that I have today, first off, and most importantly a relationship with God that defies reason. I can be calm, easy, with few concerns concentrating on what is important, regardless of how things look on the surface. Some people would say that I have always been that way anyway but that was rarely the case I was just raised to be discreet and hide my drama away from the world and put my best foot forward; the key difference between Chris then and Chris now is that his mindset is actually lining up with the image for a change. Secondly, surrounding myself around people who are positive and want something out of life; in the past that meant something monetary and materialistic, something shallow.

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