by Thomas Gladding

Created on: September 24, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Let me start with "love is not a project" meaning if you go in having to fix things or trying to make it fit you chances are you are making a bad decision in the relationship department. I'm a guy who is 31 who has been through marriage and divorce,remarriage and happiness. My loveless marriage started from the beginning, my ex-wife had been physically and mentally abused by men before me, A good looking woman who just equated sex and abuse to love. I was not raised to hit woman or belittle them so I guess i was not the man for her but I hung in there for 9 years, here's a little background we met when I was 19 she 21, she had a child, but I love kids so it was no problem. I guess I was'nt the guy for her at the time so she went her way and I mine. 1 year later I get a call from her and she explains the abuse and trauma she's been through and by the way she has a 2 month old child now. Nevertheless I was single and wondered how things could be with us, The kids were no problem but dealing with the two kids fathers and trying to keep the peace that was interesting to say the least. I lived in a different state, I moved to where she was to be with them and to be happy so I thought, but when I got there I basically could have been just a babysitter/welfare check. I took care of her kids and gave her my check. I did the PTA thing the coaching kids league thing, the just make your wife and kids happy get yours later thing, and what it got me was the get used thing,get cheated on thing, and physically abused thing because and I quote "You allowed me to do this to you" thing, Most men will never speak about being the abused one but I went through that situation for a reason, to speak to others about making sure "love is not a project".

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