by whispershart

Created on: September 23, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

After 17 years, I got the call I had been dreading. It was Jerry on the other end of this, wake me from a dead sleep, early morning call. He was excited and perky for 5 A.M. Wanting to know what day and time our 16 year old daughter Jamie would be riding in the up coming Rodeo. I let him know it would be Sunday Morning . GREAT! I'll be able to make it home for her last Rodeo of the season! my heart sank, with a large lump developing in my throat, I asked if they were getting released from the Fire already. Yes its all over we will be heading out on Tuesday and with two quick layovers I'll be home come Saturday night. although I know in my heart Jerry , though flawed in some areas (as we all are) is a good man. I believe he loves our kids very much . Yet after 17 long hard years I have come to realize we are two very different people with different needs different interests and different goals in life. We don't even share the same spiritual beliefs. How does one date someone and then in turn plan a life together and miss these few very important aspects of a couples life together? I honestly don't know its as if we woke up one day and realized we don't belong together.Yet here we are for many reasons still together , our children, finances and his insecurities and unwillingness to let go. I had hoped that with him leaving for the wildfire season that would be it he would just go and not come back. Yes a coward's way out . If he beat me or our children or even cheated on me or drank then by golly he would be pounding the pavement down the road but he hasn't and thank the Lord for that. So here I sit wishing that it could be different and knowing that its not. I planned on serving him with divorce papers at this point but I believe that we should try counseling as I know God frowns upon divorce. I wonder if I can remember how to love him?

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