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I love you Tasha

Last night I said goodbye to a friend, a child, and a ball of love with the wag of a tail

She loved her sister and me. Heck, she even obeyed the cats.

I came home yesterday after along day at work and wanted nothing more than to spend time with my girls. Rough housing on the floor or simply having one of them sit on the couch with me sharing a quiet moment.

Fuzzy little girls were always happy to see me, and always willing to listen to my day. Panting breath, head on my lap and big golden eyes looking into mine, projecting love and admiration.

Unfortunately, as I opened the door yesterday to retrieve them from their daytime encampment, I was shocked, my heart panicked for a second to see the cement covered in blood. Drips, pools, and smears of a gruesome event.

For a moment, I looked for the dead thing that my girls had caught. Not seeing it my eyes turned to the sisters and it was very apparent that a struggle had ensued and blood loss was heavy. The story of the battle now lay on the ground and in the bodies of my daughters.

This is not the first fight they have endured. However, over the last month, the fights had increased and caused many scars and were becoming more serious. My fears of the escalation had come to fruition. My hope was that it would not come to permanent damage or a loss of a limb. They are not big girls but 65-pound dogs can still cause damage to one another and last night it did.

My golden haired beauty had been the aggressor every time over the years and years of training and 1000's of dollars was spent to try to break her of her territorial attitude towards other dogs.

I am not trying to justify my decision to you, but in my mind I need to. I loved this girl. I am crying now as I write this. Tears speeding down my cheek and across my face for a love that only wanted to lay in my lap and be patted on the head. She was a soft soul but had something wrong inside. She would snap without warning and hurt my other girl or at times other dogs.

If I sent her away, I would be afraid that she would hurt another dogor child. Alternatively, the people that took her, if she was adopted, would not care for her as much and after the first incident, she would be exiled to the yard or worse. You see this dog was attached to us. Not to a degree of separation anxiety and destruction but like any pet becomes part of you in life and love. She also was very attached to the sister who she played with for hours in our back yard. If I gave up on her, I was afraid that she would not be the same dog. How would you feel tossed aside, scared in a kennel, waiting to find a new family or simply destroyed after weeks of being scared in a kennel surrounded by strange dogs and strange people. Unloved and abandoned.

I needed her last minutes to be with meI did this for her feeling our love as she slipped away to sleep. No fear just love

I looked into her eyes as I stroked her face. I told her I loved her and that she was a good girl, and kissed her cold nose. The doctor inserted the needle and she slowly slipped away all the while looking into mine eyes with love and admiration

I love you my Tasha I always will

This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am heart broke and want nothing more than to hold my little girl one more time.

Learn more about this author, Sean W. Makiney.
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