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Oh what feeling is this
desperation calling me
and pulling me toward the abyss?
Jumping off a cliff would not really explain
the great height I plummeted from
and the great depth I attained.
An affair was reality
she'd found some one else
to leave all the troubles behind and forget the rest
my place as provider was replaced
with becoming a pest
Why did I not see, the blindly obvious

that it was so wrong and that when all said and done
it was me who no longer belonged

Fear of knowing what I saw
did not help repair the cracks and crevices only led to despair.
Escaping she was, she could not deal with her feelings then
nor since, repair the damage or the cracks to waterproof seal
I felt like a gullible nark who had lost its spark
I need to pontificate and berate the problem to solve
as it will not dissolve like an aspirin
Solace was sought so bottles of vodka bought
deep failings did fade, what a relief
Short lived relief did no good
sobering up brought a magnitude of emotions
and transcendental meditation, could easily
have become more than an occupation.

Was I condemned to loneliness
with a life of false starts
all friends disappeared so living life apart.
My vision blurred all misty and grey
so sad that life had turned out this way
Over weeks it seemed the truth came out
for 6 months now she had been playing about
My life taken away, nothing to live for
I was gutted right through to the bone chilling core
For years now my life she had been
everything revolving around my queen
She was ill for years before and
all I could muster was a spineless guffaw
So this was it, all my support down the drain
no more feelings I could have again
He was older and a waste of space
yet he sweet talked her into giving him grace
she fell for it and took it all in
gave her life up to someone who'll just skim
she does not know what he holds for her
but nothing would replace her husband for sure.

I will not dwell on her choice of a man
for she will find out when too late, and after she can
reverse it all before it's too late
but I will not hand her it all on a plate
Her decision was made I had to accept
mind blowing troubles it caused, and that's why I wept
I ran away to seek comfort and love
so I called and traveled to see my big bruv
He and his wife were all I had
though the in-laws were there if the courage I had
to see them and explain it was not me
that had caused the split yet might have been
to a very minor degree.
some sympathized and said she was mad
to give up all we had built and what she had
But no difference it made to the situation in hand
just trouble it caused that I had not planned
she took it wrong and said I was there
to take her family and that I did not care
Farther from the truth she could not have been
all I wanted was to be seen
by those I loved to tell them the truth
so they would not think so badly of me
and accept I did not want the split to see

No difference it made, no cavalcade
to rescue my world and all that lay within
The kids were bemused by the happenings and truth
could not accept they did not feel adept
to handle this news, yet it seemed I was the only one
who wept at the passing of vows that I wanted kept
It took time to realize what had happened to me
not what I had forgot
An elephant this has made of me
not forgetting the things of which I disagree
All in the mind it is said to be
But my mind fell over to a great degree.

Learn more about this author, Ian Pegg.
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