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what appeared to be a heart attack. It was this night that the downward spiral began. It wasn't a heart attack, but pericarditis (fluid around the heart). During an x-ray the lung tumors were discovered. Stage III, bordering on stage IV lung cancer... and just like that my life was forever changed - the black cloud of cancer had descended. The chemo began. Then the radiation. They doubted that he'd survive a year (and he didn't). I went from the daughter to the caretaker - never to be anything but that until the end. My 19 year old sister became the chemo chauffeur and life was put on hold.

Next came the infections. The vomiting from chemo. The raw throat from radiation. Every second of every day was filled with worry - counting the days and the hours and trying my hardest to cherish my time with him. I lived three hours away but made routine trips - my work, my social life, my schooling, even my family became second to my dad's illness. I was the daughter of a man fighting for his life, and that was the role that took priority.

In the last two months, things that a daughter never expects to do became second nature. Spoon feeding, bathing, changing the sheets underneath him, cleaning him when he was no longer able to get up to use the bathroom, cleaning his catheter, turning him to avoid bedsores... it was all 'normal' for us. Nevermind the fact that we were 25 and 19, my sister and I were now his nurses - his support - his only means of survival.

He died with my sister and I by his side, holding his hands, my sister singing to him softly. He had been unresponsive for a week and it was the two of us that had to make the decision to cut off his IV fluids and to go to pallative care only. No matter how long I live I will never forget the feeling of having to make that decision. A part of me died with him that night and I will never, ever get it back.

So how does cancer change a family? It changes the individuals and the family unit is never the same again. It's not just those that you lose - those left behind are forever changed as well. You deal with things that you never even think possible - and they become 'normal.' Cancer changes your life, your thoughts, your feelings and your soul. If you're lucky, you can turn that infiltration into something positive. In my case I am now an active participant, team captain and committee member for Relay For Life. Just because my dad is gone doesn't mean that cancer doesn't still affect me. I think of him every day. I hate cancer every second. I'll fight from here until eternity to help find a cure. I am a changed woman... and in a way I didn't even become the woman I am today until I'd been through my dad's 10+ year battle with cancer. Has it made me a better person? Maybe... but if it were up to me I'd have never had to hear that evil word in the first place.

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