Recently, my oldest child turned 14. In the middle of a work day just prior to school starting, I got a call on my cell; "himomimgoingtosleepoveratkyleshouseiloveyouseeyoula terbye!" was the 1/2 second, no breath sentence my son sent over the air. I called him back. An interesting conversation ensued, beginning with, "You are the best mom ever!" and somewhere in the middle he pronounced grandly, "Now that I'm 14 I am almost an adult and should be able to make my own decisions."

After getting the snickers under control, I thoughtfully allowed that yes, he was almost an adult. But being an adult means making wise choices and taking responsibility for himself and others. Beginning with the expectations we have for adults, like keeping up with bills, house and yard work, cooking, cleaning, caring for those around us, and respecting the people we love or care for enough to ask permission to do something that may affect another.

Teaching my children consequences of actions or words is one of the most rewarding parts of my life as a mom. Using this conversation as an example, I started with "well son, as an adult making your own decisions, you will first take care of your responsibilities before the fun sleepover. You can start by sorting your laundry and doing at least 2 loads. Don't forget to fold them and put them away. (silence.) Then you can take care of your dog - he needs a walk, water, and food. (more silence.) Then you can take care of the dishes you left in the sink, and as a responsible adult you will take care of all the other dishes as well - that is courtesy to your family and housemates (slight groan of protest). Then you should consider how you are going to pay your portion of the house payment, phone, computer, cable, electrical, and water bills - as an adult, you have to take care of these, but because there are 5 of us using all of these, you can pay only 1/5 of these items (loud protestations of child abuse, followed by grudging request for sleepover)."

The action of my son asserting too much independence resulted in a listing of accountability, for which he knows he is not yet prepared. From our conversation, he understands that when the time comes, I am willing to let him go, but that time is not now. It is way too easy as a parent to blame the schools or society for our childrens' poor choices, but through love, judicious discipline and explanation of consequence, our kids can grow up to be pretty great people. The

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