by Simi Brown

Created on: September 18, 2007

For many parents bedtime conjures up feelings of anxiety and frustration. It is something to just get through- especially at the end of a long day.

The truth is, however, that bedtime is one of the most important transitions in a child's day since it is really the child's first experience of separation. Even a baby who is put to sleep is expected to be on his own (at least for a few hours). When bedtime is done properly the child is left feeling secure, and this security will in turn effect all future separations.

Moreover, with the right approach bedtime can be an enjoyable experience for the parents as well as the children.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

First, there should be a routine. Children are more likely to cooperate when they know what to expect. The process should start at least an hour before the actual bedtime. This includes all nighttime activities such as bathing, eating dinner, and putting on pajamas. All lead-up activities should be calm ones and should be at a regular established time every night.

Second, try to stagger the bedtimes by putting children to sleep each one individually, according to age. Start with the youngest child first, then move on to the older ones. Staggering bedtimes ensures that each child gets individual attention. It also acknowledges and validates age. Children need to be acknowledged for the fact that they are bigger by getting more privileges.

Try to spend at least ten minutes with each child. In that time you could do something fun, such as reading a story, playing a quick game, or singing. It should be something that you enjoy doing. You could also use this time to talk to your child about anything that happened earlier in the day.

Finally, if a child refuses to follow the schedule or has difficulty falling asleep then first investigate if there is a real issue that is getting in the way. For example, the child may need more time to get ready or truly has a hard time winding down at the end of the day.

If, however, the child is misbehaving then focus on consequences and consistency. If he does not follow the routine then he misses out. Depending on the situation, he could lose his personal time with his parent or any other "bedtime activity." If the child refuses to go to sleep then you can either quietly return him to his room or "ignore" fact that he is not sleeping. If he tries to get your attention you can simply say, "You're sleeping right now; Mommy is not talking to you," and then walk away.

In short, bedtime gives a child messages of security, and a child that feels secure, feels calm. And the more calm your children are, the more calm you will be as well.

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