Being a step-parent to me means that I chose to take in these children and to treat them as my own. I know how the "evil step-mom" title feels. I have a total of 3 step-daughters but when I talk about my family I don't say "step" they are my daughters. I have helped raise them for 10 years...they are my children. As I tell my newest daughter..."anyone can make a baby...but it takes someone special to raise a child". And I firmly believe this. It's easy to make one but to raise one is something different and when you didn't make it..it's a lot harder. I tend to be harder and expect more from my biological because I have raised her from the beginning. The stepchildren have a different foundation from the way I raised my own. I have a lot of "undoing" to do.

I honestly didn't think that blending a family would be so hard. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but had no clue of what was ahead of me. I set the rules, gave time for adjustment and expected to be treated with some kind of respect. I've only had one daughter (the oldest) pull that "You're not my mother" thing on me. And I came right back with something like "that's right I'm not your mother and I chose to have you here". That was the last I heard that phrase.

I have never spoken bad about the children's mother and I never will. If I have something negative to say I will talk to my husband about it, in private. Never in front of the children. I can't stand people that do that. No matter how you feel about the missing parent, it is still the child's "parent" and by talking bad about the mother/father is only going to add more problems.

The hardest part I am facing right now is trying to get the recognition of being a mother. In my newest daughter's eyes, I'm not her "real" parent. I have tried explaining that just because I didn't birth her doesn't make me a fake parent. I am doing everything a "real" parent should be doing.

My advice is that if you are planning on blending a family, do some research so you know what you are getting into. The best thing is to have a lot of patience because the kids are going to test it. Keep the rules and the consequences the same because they will be tested as well. The thing that I keep saying in my head is "someday it will get better".

Learn more about this author, Crystal Eagle.
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