by Kathy D

Created on: September 16, 2007

Most everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their life, but jealousy for some, can get out of control. It becomes a toxin to themselves and adversely affects their relationships.

In some cases we may "feel" jealous, but the reality could be that someone is manipulating us, deliberately trying to cause jealousy. While we may feel a "sense" of jealousy, the underlying issue may be that you are being treated disrespectfully and place the blame on yourself.

It's important to assess where your feelings are coming from. Are they derived from someone manipulating you? Or are they truly a matter of jealousy? If your partner talks about how hot everything that walks by is and you cringe, maybe it isn't jealousy, but a harsh reality that your partner isn't who you thought they were. This is a whole other issue to deal with!

If you are experiencing true jealousy, it comes from low self-esteem, fear, self-doubt and sometimes anger. This is something that resides within and there can be many triggers that brings it to surface. Become aware of what sets you off.

To banish jealousy you have to build yourself up to the point you don't feel "lesser". Stop comparing yourself to others and embrace your uniqueness. Be authentic to your feelings, your thoughts and who you are. The reality is - there will always be someone seemingly prettier, someone thinner, someone with a better home, a better car. But, they don't make you, who you are. You make you, who you are. Why waste your time with thoughts of what's going on in someone else's life? Their life may not be close to what you think it is. Create your own life with authenticity of who you are and get away from the comparison game.

When you feel the pangs of jealousy, communicate your feelings. If someone has said or did something to bring these feelings to surface, talk to them in order to gain understanding. What you feel may not be the reality of what is transpiring. Your imagination can go wild and cause your feelings of jealousy to increase. Jealousy, if left unattended, can consume you.

Ask yourself how being jealous is working for you. More than likely it's creating a gap between yourself and those you are trying to get close to. Understand your feelings. Are you afraid of losing someone or something? By not dealing with these feelings, the jealousy will only grow.

Build yourself up by having your own interests. Count your blessings instead of thinking about what you don't have. Acknowledge your accomplishments. If you don't like something about yourself, take action to make improvements.

Gain perspective. Jealousy does not equal love. Jealousy is not attractive. In fact, it becomes draining to yourself and those around you. Jealousy is not a healthy way of gaining what you want. Create the life and relationships you want based on the uniqueness that is YOU!

Learn more about this author, Kathy D.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.