The stigma our society places on "single mothers" not only demoralizes the mother, who presumably is doing her best with the challenges of parenting, but it also labels the son.

A boy can display identical mischievous behavior as a peer from a dual parent family and his behavior will be suspect; while the behavior of his peer from the "nuclear" family will be discounted with a good natured "boys will be boys" attitude.

Parenting under most circumstances is challenging. To have singular responsibility is already daunting; to be criticized unduly is discouraging. The reality of our society is, there are many single mothers trying their best to cope with all aspects of parenting. They need the support and respect of the community at large. To zero in on their son's upbringing with ill conceived presumptions in a critical manner, suggesting there is some lack or inferiority is not helpful.

Boys need a parent who is loving, supportive and empathetic to his needs. A parent who spends time with him, instilling values, encouraging his interests and fostering his independence. Often a single mother is better able to do this. Without a spousal relationship to nurture, she can dedicate additional time and thought to her children's needs. She does not have to compromise with conflicting ideas about parenting sometimes present in dual parent families. Children of one parent families often display a mature empathy for life's struggles as they appreciate their single parent's efforts on their behalf.

In nuclear families, boys acquire their morals and values by observing and modeling the behavior of both parents. A conscientious single mother can insure a balance for her son by making available male role models in the form of grandfathers, godfathers, teachers and coaches. In reality, all boys obtain much of their attitudes about life from the same sources. Once any child is of school age, the influence of their peers and other adults in their life becomes as critical as the parents. The same vigilance to guarantee good example is necessary to both single and dual parent families.

There are two precautions a single mother must take in regard to raising her son:

* Do not criticize the biological father, in the event the single status is the result of divorce. When a child's root is criticized, the child himself feels criticized. If there is nothing good to say about the missing parent, say nothing. If it is feasible, encourage a healthy and proactive relationship between the boy and his father.

* Do not be needy, or treat your son like the "man of the family." Allow your child to be a boy without projecting too much adult responsibility on his young shoulders. Find your own companionship elsewhere, and encourage your son to develop his own social life with his peers.

In all respects, given the advantage of a thoughtful and intelligent approach to parenting, boys from single mother families have as equal an opportunity to grow and flourish into well rounded, empathetic adults as their dual parent counterparts. To suggest otherwise is a disservice to single mothers and their sons.

Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.
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