by Elizabeth Copas

Created on: September 14, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Can I ever be good in my mother's eyes? Not just good enough, but in general Good? After 33 years, I have found the answer and it is, no. I have found peace in that fact. Peace in realizing that I can finally be who I am and stop trying to be the person she wants me to be.

I have wondered through these years why she never complimented me. She Never told me I was pretty, or that she was proud of me. She never cared if I did well in school or in sports. She was uninterested in those things. To show kind emotions is foreign to my mother. Never did or does she hug me, or tell me she loves me. I hear all the bad things that I do. She criticizes the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I am as a mother and a wife. Never, ever as long as I live, will I ever be good enough in her eyes. She is to distant and cold.

In my mothers mind, negative comments work better than positive ones. She has used this trend on all three of her children as well as on her husband. My mother finds humor in pointing out the bad things about me in front of others. The funny thing is that when she does that, it only makes her look bad.

I have many friends. They love me for who I am. I have a wonderful relationship with my two boys and they are doted on by me constantly. Maybe a little too much, for their confidence is soaring, and can sometimes be a little cocky. They are excelling in school and in sports. I am married to a wonderful man, whom is my soul mate. He is my source of confidence. Whenever mama brings me down, he is right there to build me up.

My mother laughs at my desire to write. She asks "what makes you think your writings can earn you money?" Now most would just crawl under a rock at a comment like that. But my husband and oldest son continuously encourage me to continue my writings.

Basically, I have come to a point in my life (a few years ago), that I have to laugh at her. I guess the phrase "misery loves company" is true, for she most definitely wants me to be miserable right along with her. But I am too happy and confident in my life and with my family to let her bring me down.

The most important lesson I have learned from my mother, is to be exactly the opposite of her. I look for the good things in my children. I believe that positive comments work best. Positive comments encourage, and all one needs is a little encouragement to be better. Showing love and emotion to my husband and children has become a necessity for me. Because when you give love and release the love inside of you, you are building a happy and secure relationship. And it also feels good, to be good to others.

With all this said, I still know that my mother loves me. She wasn't showed the love and affection that she so needed as a child, therefore has learned her behavior from her parents mistakes. I know she loves me cause she'd do anything to help me. I just wish she had a better way of showing it. I wish sometimes she could just listen and even support me. That she would take my side once in awhile. That she would encourage me. Even though I wish for these things I know they will never happen, for she didn't learn from her parents mistakes!

Learn more about this author, Elizabeth Copas.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.