by Jimmy Ettele

Created on: September 13, 2007

Do you think Al Gore had any idea how enormous and influential the Internet would become when he first sat down at his Texas Instruments keyboard and began laying out the first roads to the information superhighway?

With so many sites to choose from you might think one would be best served by "feeling lucky" with Google to find the best sites. But wait weary traveler of cyberspace. Carpal Tunnel be damned. I present you with some savory options for which to quench your virtual world palate.

1. Anywhere your kids are surfing to. Let's wake up to reality people. Ellen Sue and Brad are not on www.Servehim.com the Christian website locator. They are in some seedy chat room complete with middle aged men pretending to be 13 and horny. Go to the sites your kids are on and study them with the fervor you put into your NFL fantasy draft.

2. margaritaville.com Let me just say, whether you consider yourself a free flying Parrothead or just the casual passerby, Jimmy Buffet's site has got it all. Listen to margaritaville radio while you sit in your cubicle and have the life sucked from your skull. Check out recipes, junk to buy, and lyrics to his songs. Did anyone know all the lines to "Why don't we Get Drunk and Screw?". Exactly.

3. www.80stees.com Who doesn't want to dress up like William Katt from Greatest American Hero for Halloween? Well where in the world are you going find that costume? 80stees.com is where. Does anyone realize the difficulty involved with trying to pin down a Monchhichi tee shirt? For any self respecting patron of the finer things in life.

4. www.iambored.com Besides hard core porno and sports, why else does anyone get on the internet? We're bored, that's why. Sitting at work, checking out the weekly charts trying to figure out which is worse, your life or those charts. So where can one turn? iambored.com it's got great time wasters AND it has tons of links to fulfill just about any type of site to satisfy your freak flag.

5. www.metacafe.com Sort of a youtube rip off but everyone watches youtube, you pull out of your hat that you saw that on metacafe and the next thing you know, you'll be hearing catchphrases like, "uh oh, that one is going to be on the cafe's menu tonight!"

So there you go. A good start to the seemingly endless barrage of junk mail, spam, porno, bad music, stupid pictures, stupid people, stupid animals, and places to buy crap from. Better yet, just unplug the darn thing and throw that computer through your window. Make sure it hits concrete when it gets to the ground so it can splinter. Now if you'll excuse me, my metacafe download is ready to be viewed.

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