In order to respect differing opinions and appreciate our differences as men and women it can prove helpful to use the following fable.

A buffalo is in a large meadow eating a nice juicy clump of grass. Knowing he will soon be finished with this clump he surveys the meadow looking for another area with juicy, green grass he might conquer. He spies one a ways off on the other side of the meadow. Once the grass is in his belly he trods off to the other side and along the way passes through a thicket of wildflowers. In this thicket there is a beautiful butterfly drinking nectar out of the flowers. This butterfly pays great attention to detail and the process of finding and drinking nectar.

The buffalo moves through the wildflowers and in oblivion steps on and wounds the butterfly while pressing on to the grass. The butterfly lies in the dust fluttering her one good wing. The buffalo has not a clue that he has stepped on and wounded the butterfly. If he had known she was there he would not have done so, but the butterfly is wounded all the same.

This is an illustration of how men and women communicate. Men are typically big picture oriented and unaware of minute details of the situation. Women tend to have a need to process events and work through details and explore various nuances that go over a man's head. It is unrealistic to expect a buffalo to become a butterfly or vice versa, but the buffalo can increase his awareness about the nature of the butterfly and she do the same regarding the buffalo.

As men we often wound our wives/significant others emotionally and often unintentionally, but they are still hurt all the same. Taking the time to listen and allow them to process what they feel is vital to valuing and respecting differences in a relationship, not to mention help heal the hurts that invariably occur. Also it is important to note that most women I have worked with as a coach and psychotherapist say they are more concerned with their man's effort in this area than results. Wish I could say the same for us buffaloes in search of that next meal.

Learn more about this author, Paul S Markle.
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