by Laura Garrow

Created on: September 13, 2007

We are talking about real people, real emotions, and real intimacy. How do we know who we are really chatting with online? The person could be married, in a relationship or simply going around chatting with many others.

You haven't really met the person, or spent any real time with that person. How can you say you are dating? There isn't any real intimacy over the internet. You can't touch the person, or offer a shoulder to cry on-and you certainly can't kiss them.

Dating is about intimacy, trust, getting to know each other, forming a relationship bond, telling secrets, sharing ideas and stories, being able to reciprocate feelings and emotions, and being together. You can share stories and ideas on line, you can tell secrets on line, and you can get to know each other on line-but only the side you want to share. There is a computer and miles of space between you. There isn't an ability to be together, form a bond, or be intimate-until you actually meet.

Once you meet, and spend real time together-it can be considered dating, even if you continue to live in separate areas of the world. Meeting each other forms the bond, and creates intimacy. Dating someone in a different area of the world once you have established a real connection is considered a long distance relationship. Even with a long distance relationship, there has to be time to make connections and have physical intimate time together to hug, kiss, hold hands, walk together, watch a movie or simply kick back and relax together.

There needs to be substance, and simple on line dating needs to be met with caution. Remember, you don't know who you are chatting with, they could be psychotic. The person on the other computer in another area of the world may have a wife and children-feeling lonely in their marriage.

If you throw the ball into their court and call their bluff-ask them to meet you a certain day and time-give them a month or so, see if they meet you or give you an excuse. If they don't have the time to meet you, they are probably married and can't get away. If they can find the time to meet you, then they may have to take time from work to see you. Ask the person to spend a week with you so you can get to know them, and begin to build a relationship, if they sincerely want to date you they will take that step.

Once you meet the person, you can decide if they are the person you want to date. Then you can say you are dating a person you met on line. Until then, you are just chatting.

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