5 of 13

by Terry Mccullough

• Writing:

• A
• A
• A

Parents hug your kids.

Once at the end of a counseling session with a 14 year old boy and his mother, I asked them to stand up and give each other a big hug to seal the agreement we had made during the session. To my surprise the 14 year old broke down in tears when his mother embraced him. She looked at him in amazement and started crying herself. I then asked mother, "when was the last time you hugged your child?". She replied "Oh I stopped hugging him when he was 10 or 11, when he started acting up and making me mad."

Mother had responded to her sons behavior issues by withdrawing outward signs of caring. Although she felt love for her child, she was not able to show him through one of the most basic human needs. All the yelling was just not working. The session ended with mother and son making a plan to include unconditional hugging in their day-to-day interactions with each other. I left the session with a heightened interest in the therapeutic effects of hugging.

Most of us have some type of difficulty expressing ourselves or we just don't share our feelings enough with the people we care about. The first thing we do when disappointed or angry at someone close to us is to withdraw from physical closeness. When a parent withdraws physical closeness from their child, a delicate balance is upset and many times a child will misbehave just to get some physical contact.
Hugging is one of the most complex ways humans communicate. Hugs help build security, confidence, trust, unity, solidarity, acceptance and sharing in a manner that no word can. In these ways hugging someone may also build self -esteem. Those special moments we experience with our family, friends and even co-workers become even more significant when we add hugs. Attend any sports event and you will see plenty of hugging in celebration of skill, achievement and victory. Even the defeated team and fans will hug to console each other.
Many past and present community leaders, politicians and celebrities have sealed their popularity through the power of hugging. George Bush, Jessie Jackson, Arafat, Harold Washington, Dr. Martin Luther King, Mark McGuire, and John Lennon, to mention a few, have all been captured by the media hugging constituents, fans, family, friends and even rivals. Hugging is always a notable sign of compassion, leadership and willingness to make amends.
So if you're looking for a way to resolve some interpersonal issues you're having with family, friends, or even acquaintances, make the first step a hug. Most likely many of the problems you are having will be easier to resolve.

Learn more about this author, Terry Mccullough.

Add your voice
Know something about Parenting teenagers: learning to let go? We want to hear your view. Write now!