Name your celebrity cause: half the country vies for opposite ends to the other. Socials and intellectuals chatter up moderate company in their gossip. We love to sport bash any weakened individual (this writer, not immune) whose topic is old (foreign oil) or new (O.J.'s "I did it my way" best seller). As capitalism and vanity fare glare openly into the American mirror, we should check for nose hairs.

"Seinfeld" proved through the squawk box that we love useless chatter. We use it as mind gum, artificially deodorizing our life's stink, plagued by the inner filler. We prefer chat we've chat upon, heard properly chatted before by people we think a chit smarter that the last chap. Yet it must fit our subscription (geographically issued).

For many, yes, the survivalist priorities, think cave man stuff here; den, fire, food on a stick, and booty are haply confused with nerve wracking distractors like ipods, day trades, and foreigners. Not all of Earth's societies have their priorities confused, while it seems much of American society does glaringly so. We hang our founding father's hats in the bathroom stall, lest it fall to the peed upon floor and get shuffled back and forth by the boot of our fears. We do these things to taunt humanity like a Jerry Springer guest across the great spiritual medium, television. Our leaders pervert destiny into embarrassment, while their followers do such and likewise along the strake of the SS Americana. What masthead do they follow? What difference does it make?

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