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I ask myself all the time if I look different, seem different, feel different, but really I am just a more informed version of who I was twenty years ago. I have looked back at decisions I have made in life & the decisions made for me as a child & realize how every decision can either make or break you. Decisions made for me as a child were the furthest thing from healthy, productive, or in my best interest. Those decisions were made in the best interest of everyone other than myself. I swore that when I had kids that I would always make decisions that would be in their best interest. Then I became a parent & realized that even the best intentions can lead to disaster. You really only have two options to choose from & really you are looking for the one option which will have the best outcome. Funny how this creeps into my mirror for myself, but it really does. As a child I had a lot of resentment towards my parents, grandparents, & family in general, because the decisions they made really were not in my best interest. I still feel that way just without the resentment. Although my decisions in regard to my children aren't perfect or without disaster looming, they are made based on what I think would be good for them, not off what I think is best for me. One of the decisions that most impacted my life was the one where I ended up in foster care. My mother an alcoholic, my father self absorbed, my grandparents too old, left for me the opportunity to truly understand what not to be as a parent. I rarely saw any of them, talked to any of them, & in foster care there is no such thing as love or sense of family. This is especially true if you are a teenager. I had my oldest when I was 16 in foster care & got the first hand experience of being a parent. I realized just how difficult it would be to just decide what doctor to take him to. Every decision Ive had to make during his 16 years has been a difficult one. Except for one. That decision was that I would keep my child, raise him, love him, & do the very best I could to make sure he was healthy & happy. And to make sure that he as well as his brothers & sister did understand that I'm not perfect, will not pretend to be, & do not have that expectation of them. My decision was to make sure my kids never had to feel unloved, unwanted, or feel that they were a burden or a mistake. I never wanted my kids to feel the abandonment, resentment, or loneliness that I felt growing up. Or to even impose

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