When PTSD Strikes

I've been sitting here, trying to think of where to begin because PTSD doesn't come on you like a common cold, causing discomfort and fatigue for awhile and then improves with chicken noodle soup and rest. No. Imagine the rapid strike of a hurricane that swiftly and violently shows up. It becomes like a tornado, tossing you like a rag doll throughout its relentless fury. But the tornado doesn't ever get grounded. It lasts for days, months, even years, without ceasing.

As if the traumatic event(s) you endured wasn't enough, you are forced to relive it day in and day out. It does not wait to ask permission to destroy you. It just does. Or it tries. If you think this is overly dramatic, it's not. I'm living it. I've lived it for four years, and I'm finally seeing the light at the end of this godforsaken tunnel. I was blessed to have met my husband before PTSD took over and have at least a little time to build a solid relationship with him. This has been his battle, too. It does not just impact the individual suffering from PTSD; it affects all of those around him/her. And suddenly, loved ones start to worry, feeling like you're slipping away. Feeling like they're losing you. But you can't explain it; not really. Not until later when you begin to understand what it is that's happening to you. You can't explain it when it's new; when it's suffocating you every moment of every day; when you can't yet comprehend this evil that has taken over your mind and body and spirit. It engulfs you, leaving you breathless, speechless, succumbing to the pain.

Depression hits, flipping the switch that turns off your joy, your sense of security, your motivation to do things, your energy, and your voice. Then it brings in the tears, the confusion, the exhaustion, the helplessness and hopelessness. Everyone around you sees it. You may not. They may say something like, "You seem really depressed. You're not yourself. Maybe you should see a doctor." The depression may worsen over time as the emotional pain of PTSD sinks its claws in to stay. Suicidal tendencies are not uncommon, as you begin to think it's the only way out. That it's the only way to get relief from the pain. But it's NOT. So you do the only thing you can do: hang on for dear life.

Still, the nightmares come. You may not even know why or what they mean at first; but soon it's clear. It's the horror you experienced. You dream it at night. You wake up dripping

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