One of the most valuable lessons my husband taught me is that one person can not fight. When I want to fight and he sees it as a waste of time, he doesn't fight. If I want to fight I can find someone else to do it with. This has helped us deal with homework and children on a level I couldn't understand before.

We've set up expectations, a time, and an organized place for homework to get done. There is a parent's name on the schedule to help the two children get questions answered and help if needed.

There are family consequences for getting homework done. We have homework movie night, homework ski day, and homework shopping spree days. These are just a few ideas we use a many types of activities we all enjoy. If you choose not to do your homework the activity is canceled for "you". You get to stay home with a "supervisor" who is there to see that you stay in the house with no access to TV, phones, computers, and games while the rest of us are at the activity. I missed a session as a parent and suffered the same consequences. My mother-in-law made a truly strict supervisor.

There are consequences at school if you don't do your homework. We keep very open communication with teachers and encourage and support the consequences the teacher imposes. Some times our children have missed recess or art to do homework. Whatever the teacher deems necessary in the class for all children who choose not to do their homework, we respect.

We don't fight about it. If someone starts to complain, argue or throw a fit they are ignored. If it continues and becomes disruptive they are politely escorted to their sleeping room. Yes, you read that correctly, sleeping room. The kids have small sleeping rooms with a bed and nightstand. There are no TVs or entertainment, those are in the family room and play rooms.

As parents we focus a bit more in learning from consequences than perfection. One of our children had very poor grades as she struggled to prove she didn't need to participate in homework. Later she told us she thought we would give in and do something different when mid-term she had a "D". We just said, "Sounds like you are not very happy with your choices."

Do I think this will work for every family? Probably not, but we just don't fight about homework. It takes two to fight and as parents, we don't participate.

Learn more about this author, Trenna Sue Hiler.
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