by Theresa Nyenhuis

Created on: September 11, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

L.A.T- Living Alone Together: Practical considerations.

Your relationship is over, but the commonalities remain. A shared home, finances, children and pets often leave the amiably parting couple in a very awkward situation, the risk of losing more than what has already been lost. So two people decide to live alone together (L.A.T)

1. Personal Space- In a L.A.T situation, separate and private bedrooms are ideal. A private area for each person is a necessity to the success of a LAT. Separate what you can. Have two bathrooms? Designate. Think more in terms of a roommate situation. Purchase your own electronics, cable, telephone access and computer if you shared one formerly.

2. Finances- In a marriage or marriage like situation, particularly one with younger children, one person has scaled back or taken a leave from work to focus on home and family. This is frequently an area where LAT's fall apart or are compromised. Discuss expectations. Look at the earnings and contributions of both parties. Calculate what would be spent in separating formally, include moving expenses, a new home, lawyer fees, daycare and family support payments that may ensue following a formal separation.

3. Household chores- A chore chart is a must! Discuss and designate once again. A chore chart is tangible and eases tensions over domestic duties. Include child care/pet care in these calculations. Divide these chores in an equal manner, but be practical. Someone that works forty hours a week can not devote the time to a household the way a person that works 25 hours a week is able.

4. Telling Family and/or children- This step creates a great deal of tension. It is confusing for younger children and older children tend to be perplexed. The best method is a straightforward conversation with older children explaining what you have decided, why, and how it will work. With younger children, simply say you are sleeping in different beds and answer honestly as you can any questions they may pose.

Explaining your choice to friends and family can incite a barrage of criticism and bewilderment. Answer their questions to the best of your ability, stress that it is not only practical, but comfortable for all parties involved. Accept that many will not understand or even care to try.

5. L.A.T takes time. The adjustment period may be tense or even uncomfortable. Don't forget to communicate, to be polite and kind to each other. Even create a list that you both can see outlining why L.A.T is the best choice for each other, your situation and your family.

Coming soon: Dating while living in a L.A.T household.

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