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As difficult as this letter is for me to write, I know that it is a necessary step in my final and ultimate healing that needs to take place in my life. I have come to this realization because of all that has transpired and how it has affected me, my life and those around me.

I have been angry. I have been angry at everything in my life. I made choices in my life because I didn't know who I was. I couldn't correlate what you did to me with the choices I was making and was so lost in my life, I wouldn't have been able to understand all that was taking place. It wasn't until so many years later that I have been able to comprehend everything.

I feel guilty. I was only 8 years old when I told Mom that I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to kill myself because of what I was going through and she couldn't understand why I would feel that way. I was put into counseling and when the male counselor was getting frustrated with not understanding why I felt the way I did, instead of actually looking at what I was telling him through pictures, I conformed to what he wanted and it was the end of my counseling. I should have continued, and perhaps further abuse wouldn't have occurred in my life, but even more so, in the lives of the girls. I can't possibly think that you would be able to differentiate between victims you chose with a blood relation or not at this point. I harbor much guilt for that, and it isn't my place to be guilty. You hurt me by your own choice and you hurt them by your own choice. The guilt I feel should be solely carried by you.

I even felt guilty when I told Mom at the age of 17 that you had abused me and again in 2000, after I had confronted you. I let her read all the emails between you and I and she cried, for days. She didn't want to believe me, as you were always the prodigal child and to see that you could have hurt someone devastated her, especially one of her children. She always swore that she wouldn't let anyone hurt one of her children the way she had been hurt, and you did. I felt guilty because that hurt her. I didn't need to feel guilty - and neither did she. YOU made your choices and you hurt more than just me by them.

I am hurt. In 2000, after I had confronted you about the abuse you delivered into my life, we had begun the process of rebuilding our relationship. I, at that point, had let go of what occurred in the past and was focused on the present. You were a major part of my life and I wanted you to continue to be part of my life. I trusted

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