Fears have never been easy to overcome. In this case, I can see where it would be even harder. HIV and AIDS are two viruses the public is virtually in the dark on. You're only chance to know what you are dealing with is research. Lots and lots of research. I am writing this article in response to the one which was posted before mine. The young man had some very deep questions, and I sense deep hurt and troubles. He asked some pretty tough questions. And I feel that every person who reads this information should have the added bonus of my opinion.

The fears of HIV and AIDS are completely normal. Even with the right information one would have to have a death wish not to be completely overwhelmed and afraid. As I said, they are two diseases we know little about. As best I'm aware, scientists aren't even sure of all the ways these diseases can be contracted. And certainly if our medical professionals guard themselves so proficiently against them, they are something to fear. So the fear in itself is reasonable. It is how you handle that fear that can become unreasonable.

First, I agree with the young man. If you have HIV or AIDS you have a duty to disclose that information to anyone who could potentially infect. I can sympathize with why you might not want to, but that isn't a responsible action. And it certainly does not speak love and trust to a potential partner.

Secondly, I commend him, and anyone else, for having the patience he so obviously does with the young lady in question. You can certainly sense the love you have for her in your ability to be so patient about her situation. However, you do not have to be a doormat for her fear.

I feel her response and reaction to her fears are wrong. Yes, she should have fears, it is logical. But she should not be reacting to them the way that she is. Especially not if she loves you as she says she does. There are plenty of couples in which one partner has HIV or AIDS and the other doesn't who have thriving intimacy. With no consequence to the partner who does. I do not know how either disease effects child rearing, but I'm sure any health professional can assure you of the best route to follow. And adoption is always a good choice. Plenty of children in America need good homes. Your virus should not limit you in any of these areas and I feel she is letting it do just that. You may want to re-evaluate your relationship. If she does not love you enough to work through those fears, if an extreme amount of patience is being required, you should think about walking away now. Your illness doesn't and shouldn't make you the only party having to compromise. There are too many safe-sex options out there for her fears to continue to be reasonable. A slight amount of fear, yes. An extreme amount limiting your intimacy, no. A smart person would see the options. A person in love would chose them.

So, in the event you have one of these illnesses, don't take the painful route of understanding your partners fears to the limit of the loss of intimacy. Respect them. Give them all the information and research you have. But do not miss out on one of life's greatest treasures because of them. If you find it's just too big an obstacle to overcome, please, do both of you a favor and move on. It may be tough, but not as much as living in an intimate free relationship.... That's what friends are for.

Learn more about this author, Carrie Manning.
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