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by George Hlinko

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Out on the street your opponent doesn't care how "pretty" your spinning back kick looks. Nor is he going to be overly impressed with that brand new form you've been honing to perfection in the dojo. All he cares about is how he's going to beat you into an unconscience puddle of blood, preferrably with some kind of weapon, even more preferrably with the help of a fellow street puke, and then leave you for dead in some dark, smelly, rat infested alley.
There are literally hundreds of different systems out there,
each of them professing to be the "Holy Grail" of fighting. You know what I'm talking about. The picture of the "masked man" buried in the back pages of "BLACK BELT" magazine, who promises you that his system is SO deadly and destructive that he has to hide his identity so that his fellow trained killers won't be able to "get him." All you have to do is mail out a check for 99 bucks and you too can be an ultimate warrior, able to walk ANY street with no fear. The truth is...there really isn't any one art that is the ultimate end all-bail your butt out of ANY confrontation that some soon to be very sorry street scum initiates. All martial arts beg, borrow, and steal striking and grappling techniques from other arts. Hapkido (Which was "BILLY JACK'S" style) bears more than just a passing resemblance to Shotokan, which in turn bears a resemblance to Kenpo, and so on and so on, with a few little tweaks hear and there to seperate them. Tae Kwon Do, Tang Soo Do, Isshin Ryu also look the same to the uninitiated, with little subtle differences and variations in the punches and kicks, usually done more for maintaining the mystique and originality of each style, than for any practical reason. For instance some styles like vertical punches...where your fist zooms in at your opponent with the thumb in an upright position, as opposed to some other styles, where the punches are thrown with a "cork screw" motion, meaning that your fist rotates to a knuckles up position upon impact. The theory here is that this twisting motion somehow generates more power than the vertical, hence, doing more damage. That's debateable. EITHER ONE will hurt if they land right. You can take a roomfull of instructors and they'll argue the point till they're blue in the face, but unless you can find someone who's masochistic enough to be willing to stand there and volunteer his face as a target....it's really hard to prove one way or the other. Even Gracie Jiu Jitsu, which is often looked upon as THE Martial Art of the twenty first century, borrowed more than just a few little snippets from Graeco-Roman wrestling and ancient forms of Jiu Jitsu. Don't get me wrong here. I have the absolute utmost respect for the entire Gracie family. These guys are martial arts pioneers in the very same vein as Bruce Lee and should be recognized as such. They're as lethal as anyone alive, yet always carry themselves with class and dignity. Truth be told, they were simply smart enough, and savvy enough to find out what worked, and didn't work in other styles, and then incorporate the practical stuff into their own fighting style. Sounds pretty smart to me, right?

The truth of the matter is that there are only so many ways to punch and kick your opponent. Whether you turn your big toe in or out for your roundhouse kick means nothing. It's still a freaking kick. If it lands in the right spot, he's going to be howling in pain, and if it doesn't quite land in the general area in which you intended ....YOU"LL be the one who'll be yelping when it's countered. The real trick is to just get in and out of there as fast as you can....with the DIRTIEST moves possible. The longer the fight lasts....the worse it is for you. Don't forget, this isn't a time honored contest of skill in a nice safe dojo, complete with a referee who'll quickly jump in to break it up if things get too rough. This is a matter of life and death against some homicidal psychotic, bent on your destruction. He doesn't want to play fair. He's much more interested in killing you, and then mounting your head on his wall along with his other collection of body parts. You have to try and shatter his windpipe, or gouge his eyes out, and then get the hell out of there as quick as possible, and in ONE PIECE. Do whatever you have to. If he's grabbing you in a bearhug; squeeze his testicles as hard as you can, or even better...rip them right off. This is no time to be shy. Use your teeth, nails, elbows, or whatever else may be at your disposal. You have to be as brutal and ferocious as possible. Your life depends on it. HE started it, so let him get what he's got coming without any reservations. Don't feel guilty if he's hurt. Let the wimps over at Legal Aid cry over him afterwards. Compassion has no part in a fight for survival. The general rule of thumb is that a fight shouldn't last more than 10 seconds. If it does, you're doing something wrong and you can expect to be either a headline in tommorows paper, or if you're lucky...a new Emergency Room admittance. Neither one is much fun. To spout and old cliche...."It's better to be tried by twelve, than to be carried by six." This isn't just a cheap stab at humour.... there's a lot of truth in these simple words, and heeding them will help keep you smiling a lot longer.
The martial arts are great, and will always be beneficial to you, no matter what style you practice. They will keep you fit and flexible, and in much better physical shape than most of your bar hopping compatriots, but don't expect them to be your instant "get out of jail card" in a violent situation. There, the brutal techniques that you will learn in a street style geared self defense class, such as gouging, tearing, and other little dirty tricks will be more on the money than fancy kicks and flowerly forms. BE SAFE!

Learn more about this author, George Hlinko.

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