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"Every Rose has its Thorn" - a popular lyric from a popular 80's Glam-hair Metal band Poison. And a popular lyric that was one of multiple cataclysmic events in the horrendous downfall of "Hair Metal" genre that somehow dominated suburban boomboxes and tapedecks, heck, even the T-Top Trans Ams of the 1980's.

Let's face it. Not every teenager in the 1980's was marveled by Slash's melodic guitar introduction to "Sweet Child O'Mine". It gave me a headache every time I heard it. I remember sitting in my Orchestra class one day, only to be repulsed by that infamous solo being played on a violin. I swore that as soon as I got home from school that day, The Cure would be played until my parents ears were bleeding!

But it would be silly for me to insult the new musical genre I had much disdain for. I have to admit, that even though I was a true "New Waver", there was something incredible about that insanely powerful movement known as Hair Metal. It made L'Oreal hair products on men sexy, illustrated that spandex was not just for aerobics class and Kelly LeBrock, and that many people were willing to drop copious amounts of cash for concert tickets to their favorite squealing man-girl metal singer in jeans that appeared to have been designed to fit within the dermis. Incredible! INCONCEIVABLE!

I watched for a few years in horror, then surprising curiosity, how such a powerful medium took to the rise in the world of the Music Video. The genre was so massive and amazing. The band Ratt even managed to enlist the comedic cross-dressing genius of Milton Berle in their "Round and Round" video. Sexy, provocative, and musically powerful, the guitar tones and bass rhythm pounded themselves into my Duran Duran obsessed mind, leaving each note planted firmly in their own space. The topics of sex, drugs, depression, mental depravity all crossed the wire, and from my world of space age keyboards and beautiful men bands, did I come to realize that this Hair Metal thing had a bit more in common with me than the New Wave did.

I am sad to say that I began to enjoy Hair Metal. Please don't tell anyone about this, as my image will be ruined.

I attended a Poison concert in 1989. I like to deem that the "Year of the Cheese Metal". Just about every Hair-ite was suffering from the effects of the newly found Grunge Movement, based out of Seattle. This is when I believe the Hair Metal Gods began to cry upon the masses, and thusly began their last desperate attempt to hold onto the title through the means of ballads. "We love you" they would sing, and yet, the Hair-ites began to disassociate from these bands, and re-connect with the horrid anti-Hair-ite, Kurt Cobain. Anyway, as I watched the band members of Poison put on their show, I couldn't help but notice that the spirit that they once held, the charisma, the charm, was depleted. As they sang their power ballads, they somehow knew that they weren't singing to ladies of their own age, they were singing in crappy rental tuxedos to a group of sweaty-handed 13 year old boys and girls on the gymnasium/converted dance floor. The splendor and glory they once knew was now gone.

The bands went from rock and roll sex powerhouses to Air Supply with distortion. All in the name of Love. There are a few bands that are still out there, still dishing out the hits, but for the most part, they will only be remembered for the mushy slop the belted out as a last-ditch effort to retain their audience. Love and peace was not the message their audience wanted to hear. The messages of the power ballad fell hard, as did the messengers. RIP, Hair Metal. You are still missed.

Learn more about this author, Lucy Spaans.
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