by Pamela Rodriguez

Created on: September 07, 2007

Two things come to mind when I think of long distance relationships:

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
2. Out of sight, out of mind

So which one is it?

I have to admit that when I started my LD (long distance relationship) 4 years ago, these two things moved in, set up camp and became the neighbor from hell, in my brain.

I have since concluded that both are equally applicable and it really depends on the two people who are involved in the LD as to which one comes out as the true description of what happened with their relationship.

The hingepin that decides which one will mark the outcome is the word COMMITMENT.

Without commitment not much in this life succeeds.

Sure you need all the other good things that make a relationship succeed, like trust, communication, respect etc, but commitment is the make or break of a LD relationship.

Well ok, you say, you need commitment in all relationships, not just long distance ones! True, very true, but what I am talking about is commitment without reinforcement.

Take for instance a couple who live in the same city, dating, having a good time. One day she wakes up and starts wavering, do I really want this relationship? Do I really love him? Maybe we should see others to make sure this is "IT". So she calls her S/O and confesses her worries to him. What is the first thing he will probably do, if he is really in love with her? Right. He jumps into his little Vespa, tools on down to her apt and knocks on her door, and proceeds to plead with her - puppy dog eyes and all, not to do this to them. Reinforcement.

Or, lets say that one late night he wakes up from a horrible dream, needs to feel his ladies arms around him. Either she is already there and he snuggles up to her, she instinctively wraps her long soft arms around him and off to dreamland they go hand in hand, or he text messages her telling her how bad he is feeling right now...off she goes to comfort her man, she is feeling a bit, umm... amorous anyway so this will kill two birds with one booty call. Reinforcement (and a little bit of lovin' thrown in for good measure).

So, now replace our lovelorn couple in the above scenarios with two people in a LDR. Not very convenient to drop what they are doing, book a flight, or drive hours to his/her S/O's house to give that reinforcement. The phone is a very cold thing when you need the warmth of your S/O or you need to feel their presence, just a quick gentle touch on the arm, or a hug, or a quick kiss is so comforting and reinforcing.

It takes a healthy, stable, flexible individual to enter a long distance relationship. Someone who can maturely look at all aspects of their LDR and see it for what it is and commit to making it work.

My LDR finally turned to marriage and my S/O moved to be with me. I won't kid you it wasn't easy during those long distance days, but the rewards we are enjoying now after sticking to it and committing are so amazing I wouldn't have traded a thing.

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