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Picture it: I'm a high power, professional woman, a trial lawyer, who has always been perfect and committed to her career first. I have one single one night stand, only one! And just like that, I get pregnant.

So what you're telling me is that I'm pregnant now, just like that. (I only slept with this person once, and I'm knocked up.) What IS this, 1850? This isn't supposed to happen anymore! I was careful! I feel like I'm being punished.

What if that guy suffers from depression? What if he is a full-blown sociopath? That kind of thing's got to be genetic. And based on my own neurotic frailties I'd say we're looking at a pretty dark forecast.

And by the way, can I take Paxil while I'm pregnant? Because if not, we're all going to suffer.

Forget mental illness, what about physical? What if he gave me VD and I don't even know it yet?! What if I give birth to The HPV Baby? Is that even possible? It would hate me forever.

Maybe it's a sign, not a punishment. Like even though I had all these physical problems, this baby made it through. It beat Feminism's domination of my twenties and cystic ovaries in my thirties. Sounds like a real pain in the you-know-what, willful child, if you ask me (though of course no one did).

I know what my Mom will say about that: "That's right! You get what you deserve! And you were the same way!"

Really, though, this could be my last chance. I am not young. I am not old, but I am not young. What if it doesn't even happen again? What if nature or God or whoever is cutting me some slack and I only have this one chance to catch on? What if this baby grows up and finds a cure for cancer? Will I always regret it if I don't have this baby?

Will I always regret it if I DO have this baby? God, that must be worse. I don't know. It will probably be a Young Republican, or an obnoxious cheerleader. It won't find a cure for cancer, it'll probably GET cancer, die young and break my heart forever.

Having a baby is risky. I am a lawyer. Lawyers are naturally risk-averse, it's a proven fact. We don't need a huge retainer to keep our firms afloat, people! The retainer is a security blanket. It soothes us to sleep, knowing we won't go belly-up in the morning. We seem confident, but we're not. We're neurotic and obsessed with the Joneses.

Ergo, because having a baby is an inherently risky proposition, and I am risk-averse, having a baby is a bad idea for me. Is that right?

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