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I was 17 years old that Summer, I had gained 15lbs over the summer vacation a neighbor girl and I started baking, breads, cookies, cakes for her 2 brothers, and father to eat as well as ourselves. I had never experienced such an appetite. We became eating buddies out of shear boredom. We baked, fried and munched our way through the season. When school was to start, I had dropped out of high school but, was attending a GED course at the local community college in Sept. I had gone for a health check-up, pap etc. and on my chart I saw the word obese... I hadn't seen that ever before nor since, but there it was in black ink on my chart. I asked the Nurse Practitioner what the deal was and she told me for my height and age, I was obese at 135lbs 5.3 inches. Wow that was a shot below the belt. I had to get the weight off I said to myself.

Now this is not the 1 reason that made me go into starvation mode, there were several looking back on it now. I had a mother that didn't want to let go, a father that never understood me and I didn't know, and I was afraid of the future to have to act and look like a young adult independent and confident like I knew what i was doing and wanting in life, have goals, career, and college all mapped out. What? I didn't feel anymore grown-up than as if I were still a 14 year old, ill prepared for life in the big, wide world.

I went on a diet, cutting back on calories like the Nurse Practitioner had suggested. I also joined a gym and did aerobics 3x's a week. I started losing the weight relatively easy with the caloric intake cut down and exercise. Then I started looking really good toned up, I felt strong and confident in my body image. Then somewhere in the process, I decided that less calories and more exercise equals bikini body! yeah! okay so off i go on a 1000 calorie a day diet, and more exercise. I started a volleyball team after work a couple of evenings a week. lets see volleyball, less calories, and aerobics wow! look at me I am slim and feel great. Then, huh what about less food, I don't need so much, I will take it down to 800 calories a day. yeah! you get the picture I was out of control of something I thought I had total control over. all of a sudden, a battle raged inside my head, I was always exercising, even brushing my teeth. I wasn't in my right mind something or it felt like someone else now took over my rational thoughts. I felt like a demon possessed person. Which brings me to this next point that I pondered

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