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The Day The Voices Died

I choke on my past
turn and desperately look to the future
a blank void
a sea of nothingness.
No hints are being given at this time.

In my desperation I feel like I am falling
into a puddle of tears
so deep
I will surely drown.
I will die.
Will that be better?
Could it be lovely?

I mourn the hope in my past
the girl I was
the woman I was
the person I was.

And now am not.
I am stuck
in a pit of despair, mediocrity, complacency,
nothingness.

My biggest accomplishment each day
is climbing out of my dreams
and out of my bed.
I put it off and put it off.
My dreams are alive.
Even the bad ones are quite lovely.
Quite real.

I weep and scream and pray
to no avail.
No one is listening.
The deep living, breathing faith I once had
is gone.
Who am I? What do I want?
Why does everything seem so futile?
And how did I find myself here
STUCK
and lost?

No one will help.
Don't even hope for an end,
a light at the end of the tunnel.
No one will help
for fear of being caught in my quick sand
of failure.
They only say,
she had so much potential.
I loved her once.

I can barely even see their faces looking in
on me
in my bubble.
No one will reach out a hand to help.
I am only a liability.
Uninsurable.
A risk too big to take.
Proof, that I am worthy of
giving up on.

There are no more voices in my head for company.

Only quiet stillness
with a few echoes of hope,
to quiet to make out.

I will lie down
turn my face to the wall
and die.

Learn more about this author, Caroline Ross.
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