by Ray Anderson

Created on: September 05, 2007   Last Updated: February 28, 2010

I was married for twelve years and learned a lot in those years. I am not afraid to do it again, and my plans are to be married to my second wife in December. Can this second marriage work? Yes.

When I married the first time I was young and she was , too. She had four children already from a previous marriage and so I married into a family. The children were young and I had my hands full but it was a great learning and living experience. I am sure that we would still be married if it weren't for the death of my entire family in the same year. I lost five family members in that year and went into deep depression. I thought my life was over. All I loved seemed to be falling apart and so was my life. I began to seclude myself from others and wouldn't go out of the house.

My wife put up with my depression for nine months but she just couldn't take it any more. She walked out and I woke up. I suddenly realized that I was a jumbled mess and I had to do something or I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I filed the divorce and went about my new life , the life of a single man.

I traveled a lot in the next few years and saw the world while she brooded on what she had done to me. I felt she had left me at the worse time of my life but we remained friends. I took all of the things that I had learned and began to look at life differently. That's what marriage and life is all about : change. You have to change from a single person to thinking of others when you marry. There is suddenly no "I" it is "We" and "Us".

Now I have met the lady of my life after five long years. I know I don't want to be lonely and single but I took my time and walked the Earth as some might say. The way to make a second marriage work is not to be in a hurry and do not settle. Most people have their divorce and then drop immediately into another relationship. Most call this the "Rebound" relationship. If you go into a rebound relationship with the intention of marriage I firmly believe it will fail.

The first thing you have to have when looking for the second husband or wife is clear mental attitude. Your mind has to be clear of all things and you have to follow your heart, not your sex drive. Sure, sex is wonderful and for older couples it can spice things up, but sex wears out fast and then you are left with what? If all you base your next relationship on is sex then you are starting off in a bad position. There has to be the physical attraction , for sure, but age hits the body

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