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Humor: Life

by Maureen Barnes

Created on: September 03, 2007

GROCERY SHOPPING WITH A CHEAPSKATE
It started innocently enough; one of my grocery bags broke as I was carrying it from the car to the house. As quick as I could, I chased cans down the sidewalk and rescued packages of food that ants were gathering to eat.

I was picking up the last package of food when my husband came out of the house to see what was going on. He was about to reach for the torn grocery bag when something caught his eye. Bending down, he picked up the grocery receipt and started reading it. He was not happy with the price of groceries and stated he could do better.

I never gave his statement another thought until the next time I went shopping, I was not alone, I had my husband for company. He was going to save us a bundle of money on our groceries.

I was the designated pusher of the shopping cart while my husband was the reader and grabber of the food.

Starting at the beginning of the store, we entered the first aisle, where the vegetables lived. My husband picked up a can of peas and started reading the label as if it were a novel. We stood in front of the vegetables so long; a crowd gathered wondering what was going on. I breathed a sigh of relief when my husband finally made his decision.
The brand of peas I always bought in the nice new shinny can cost too much. Instead he picked up another can, which to be honest, was a lot cheaper with the same items in it, but it was bent up and rusty. Into the cart it went.

Up and down the aisles we went, reading our way through the store. When we came to the deli section my husband's whole attitude towards food changed as he started putting huge assortments of expensive meat and cheeses into the shopping cart. When I asked why so much, he said it was for his lunch at work. Did not want the men at work to think he was cheap.

From the deli, we went to the produce section where my husband pinched, pounded, tapped and squeezed all the fruits and vegetables. I had no idea what he was looking for since nothing pinched, pounded, squeezed or tapped back, but after spending about half an hour in the produce section the verdict was in. The fresh produce was too expensive. The produce that was on sale and older looked just as good and was half the price.

On to the cereal aisle we went. I never had a problem with this aisle because I always bought the cereal that we all liked, even if it was different kinds. Again, my husband started with the label reading, and a lot of reading there was. Finally, my husband's decision

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